We’ve all done it. Set a New Year’s resolution and unintentionally abandoned it soon thereafter. Why is it so hard to keep them? The simple reason: motivation is a finicky thing, and if we take action based on the presence of that, then we are setting ourselves up for failure. Motivation is designed to GET US STARTED; not to keep us going. When we are motivated we feel like we can accomplish anything! But the powerful surge of intense motivation dwindles when the work becomes hard.
So what keeps us going?
The hidden treasure underneath the motivation are our values - the things that are truly important to us, those things we want our life to be defined by. Try asking yourself one thing: when you are not there to overhear, what do you want your family and friends to say about you? Now think about those resolutions. Do they align with that answer? If they don’t, you won’t stick to that resolution very long. If the resolutions do align with your values, NOW you have a fighting chance at holding onto those resolutions.
But it’s more difficult than that. Sticking to a goal is an ACTIVE process. It takes planning, preparation, research or education, accountability, and support! That’s a lot of elements isn’t it? But think about it. Change is difficult, uncomfortable, and something that humans naturally resist. The more we expose our brains to various aspects of something new with repetition, the more chance we have at maintaining it.
Research suggests that it takes around 21 days (or more) to form a new habit and 3 days (or less) to undo it. Feels unfair doesn’t it? Not really though - if you think of how many repetitions your brain has with where you currently stand (prior to implementing any goal or resolution), you will realize it didn’t happen overnight. Establishing anything new won’t happen overnight either.
I remember when I decided to give up drinking Diet Coke. I was drinking 2 a day, and I wanted something healthier (you know, like water). I started by telling my family that this was my goal (accountability). Then I researched what was in Diet Coke and the benefits of drinking more water. I reflected on this research and how it fit in with my personal values so that my decision to do this was based on something real - not just a feeling that would diminish over time. Then I did some planning - I avoided the foods I really enjoyed a Diet Coke with to help me get started, I got a fancy new water bottle, and began figuring out what flavors of tea I liked. Also, I cleared the house of Diet Coke.
The first several months, I craved a Diet Coke at every meal, and particularly with certain foods I felt it paired well with. Around the second month, I noticed I craved it less, but still thought of it often. Six months went by and I only thought of it when confronted with certain foods (like pizza!). Then around 1 year later, when I was reflecting on how I had actually held onto this goal, I realized I hadn’t thought about it much at all. So I decided to reward myself with one. This was a mistake. Not only did it taste terrible, but I actually craved them again for a few days! My brain went right back to what it knew for several years, rather than what I trained it to know for one year. Now, it’s several years later, and I may think of drinking one twice a year at most. I don’t even want one when others drink them.
So set those goals with WHO YOU ARE in mind, tell others about your goal, research your goal and actively plan to let something new take hold in your life. Make a plan to face the temptation to give up and think of how you will feel at the start of 2020 if you are able to look back on this year and say you did it!